If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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