Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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