He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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