Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
