Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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