what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize