He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
