I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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