I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
