I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
