I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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