Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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