they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
