I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have aggressive nipples.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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