Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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