Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
