just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
