Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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