He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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