He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
