I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
