i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
