The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
