Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
