I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i will never coherently bang her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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