were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
