Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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