Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
