Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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