They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
