The beer is more important than you right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
