I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
