I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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