dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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