she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
