I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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