Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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