im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
