No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
