if you like me you must not know who I am
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
