His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
