So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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