i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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