I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The power of my boobs compel you
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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