Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
