Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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