I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
