coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
