ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
