how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
