my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
