I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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