I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
