And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
