come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Rumble strips road head = magical
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
