the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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