she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
