C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
