He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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