Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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